Yoga for Adoptive Families: Interactive Poses to Foster Connection (Part One)

In my previous post, I discussed strategies for integrating yoga into your adoptive family's everyday life. If your family is like mine, then you're probably fairly busy with work, school, household responsibilities, recreational activities, medical appointments, and home therapies. Even though you may have decided to practice yoga with your child or as a family and you have a sense of when you want to do it (or may be not!), you may still be wondering what poses and activities you can do to strengthen your connection with your child.

First and foremost, I want to emphasize that doing any form of yoga together is great, as long as you and your child are having fun together. So if there are certain poses, yoga DVDs, yoga board games, or yoga-based story books that you and and your child love, keep using them! One of the most important aspects of family yoga is practicing on a consistent basis, whether than means a 10 minute session most days of the week or practicing shorter "mindful moments" multiple times throughout the day. And the more fun and engaging the practice is, the more likely that you and your child will want to do it regularly.

That said, certain types of yoga poses and activities may be especially beneficial in helping you and your child to connect with one another. One set of such activities emphasize physical and emotional interaction via yoga poses, breathing exercises, and other mindfulness activities. In this two-part post, I will describe five types of poses and activities that, to varying degrees and in different ways, emphasize intimacy, trust, cooperation, safety, and support--all of which are important components of healthy bonding and attachment.

Yoga play: Yoga play is a general description of postures and activities that foster fun, physical contact and mutual engagement. Having fun and playing together in themselves can help to promote conenction with your child, and there

are so many fun ways to play together via yoga. You and your child may be snakes slithering across your living room floor while making hissing sounds. Or maybe you decide to be cats and wag your tails. Yoga play doesn't even necessarily require both of you to do the same poses together. How many of you have ever done downward dog pose while your child crawls back and forth under you? Or have they ever sat on your back while you're doing child's pose? (My kids love to sit in my lap while I do boat pose, which gives me quite the abdominal workout!) Alternatively, you might encourage your child to lift into bridge pose so that you can drive a toy car under it. Yoga play also refers to the four categories of poses that I describe next, but I am focusing on them separately because each of them promotes a specific type of physical and emotional connection that warrants its own discussion and that may be particularly useful for adoptive families who are actively working to develop and deepen their parent-child relationships.

Assistive poses and activities: Assistive yoga refers to postures and activities that one does while receiving physical and emotional support from the other person. Many adopted children spent their early months or years

without a consistent parent or caregiver. Indeed, some may not even fully understand what a parent--much less a family--is. They may also have lived in an institutional setting where there were not enough nannies to give adequate attention to each child. For these reasons, they may have learned to take care of themselves and not rely on others to help them meet their physical and emotional needs. As a parent, you can use assistive poses to show your child that you are there to help him, support him, and keep him safe. Consider tree pose, which requires a person to balance on one leg while lifting one's hands above his head. Many children (and even adults) can find this pose difficult and even a little scary. If your child feels this way but is open to trying it (never force a child to do a pose that he's resisting), you can put your hands lightly on his hips to physically support him as he balances on one leg. You can also provide gentle encouragement (e.g., "You can do it. I'm here to help you because parents help their children. I'll make sure that you are okay").

Of course, your child may also enjoy assisting you from time to time. For example, you may do child's pose and ask your child to press down gently on your lower back. Or as you do tree pose, she may ask if you'd like her to hold your hips for balance. Even if you don't technically need your child's help and/or she is only able to provide superficial assistance due to her age, stature, or ability, you can still affirm and welcome her desire to help. Doing so may enhance her sense of self-efficacy (I can help people!), kindness and compassion towards others, and belonging to you family (because family members try to be there for one another).

Mirroring poses and activities: Mirroring poses refer to yoga activities that you and your child do facing one another

another, ideally while coordinating your movements and making some degree of eye contact. Mirroring poses can be a

great way to connect with your child, as they require you to be present with and attuned to your child's movements,

facial and verbal expressions, and mood. They also require you to meet your child on her own terms, on the one hand, while highlighting how you both "match," on the other hand. For these reasons, mirroring poses may leave your child feeling seen and heard, that they matter to you, and that you share similarities despite your possible differences (e.g., physical, genetic, cultural).

Many yoga poses can be done in this mirroring fashion. Instead of doing snake pose side-by-side,for example, you and your child could do it facing one another. You'd start with your heads down and after counting to three together, you'd lift your heads and chest at the same time, look into each other's eyes, and hiss together (see photo). Then you'd lower your heads and chests at the same time. You could also face one another while doing tree pose together. Stand tall in mountain pose together to get grounded, look into one another's eyes, and take a few breaths together. Then, while maintaining light eye contact, coordinate the lifting of your legs and the raising of your arms. Hold the pose for a few breaths, ideally still with light eye contact. Breathing poses can also be done in a mirroring fashion. For example, face one another while holding hands and looking into one another's eye. Then inhale slowly together for three counts and exhale alowly for three counts. Repeat as many times as you'd like.

Up Next: Make sure to check out part two of this post to learn about teamwork and "taking turn" yoga activities, as well as practical tips and strategies for integrating interactive poses into your family yoga routine.

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